we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
