My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
