i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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