..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
