my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
