you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Randomize
