The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
