when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
