I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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