tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
