You're a womanizer and a bitch.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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