I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
