I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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