You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
