The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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