My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
