i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
It's rum buckets o'clock
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
