I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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