i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
