who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Randomize
