1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
It's official drugs can't kill me
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
