Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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