you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
