My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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