That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
