She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Randomize
