You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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