All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
