jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
