I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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