Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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