Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
