I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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