i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
