using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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