Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
