Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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