What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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