Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
