fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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