idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
