My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize