I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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