I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
