I hate your face
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize