Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
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