life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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