I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
