I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
