Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
