Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
