then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
