I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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