I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
