I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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