can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
