I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
