dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
