The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
