I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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