Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
