As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
