Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I wish you could order shots online.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
