In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
