Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
My dick has a subreddit
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
