I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
