You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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