The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
