I met the friendliest cop last night
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
