I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
