I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
