I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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