Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
