And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Dick very happy bro
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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