dude i'm inner monologue high
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
